Anatomy of a Suicide - Part 38

Evaluation of Cast A performances 

Cast A got to perform the play two times over a four day period. The dates that I, therefore, performed as Anna are:

Wednesday 25th April 2018
Friday 27th April 2018

There were marked differences between these performances largely because of how tired I was - over the past two weeks we had been working late until 8:30pm and the previous nights until 9pm. I don't think the tiredness affected me that much so I couldn't perform at all, I just felt that I wasn't as enthusiastic as I had been, particularly on the Friday performance due to a Cast A and B performance over the previous two nights. The following blog will detail my thoughts on my performance in Cast A and evaluate which performance I felt I portrayed Anna better in, in each scene.

Scene 2

On Wednesday I think that this scene went better than it did on Friday. It overall went very well as I feel that my drunk portrayal of Anna was much more natural whilst sticking to her somewhat enthusiastic character. However, there were some instances where Izzy, as Carol, struggled to get her own lines in the correct place. I think that this could be because myself and Peter (who played Dan in this scene) were used to performing the scene as a duologue hence why we left hardly any gaps for Izzy to fill in her lines. Despite this, the scene ran smoother on Wednesday. On Friday, I think that I showed Anna less drunk and although I tried to boost my enthusiasm in the scene, my energy levels were not as high as they should have been which meant that the scene was overall very lacking - I certainly didn't feel as happy with my performance of this scene on Friday as I had been on Wednesday.

Scene 3

I feel that this scene went better on Wednesday. The number of props that this scene has definitely played a role in how well the scene went - on Wednesday I got all the props out of the bag before burning the sugar whereas on Friday many of the props were left in the bag until I needed them which meant that they weren't displayed on the front of the stage long enough for the audience to see them and deduce what they were. On Wednesday, the sugar burned at the right time in order for me to say "Hello" whereas on Friday the sugar didn't burn as fast, causing the effect to be ruined slightly. As an overall improvement for this scene, Anna could take the heroin further back on the stage. As some of the audience were sat directly behind another member of the audience, they couldn't see what I was doing because I was so low down and forward on the stage which somewhat ruined the effect of the scene.

Scene 4

Again, I feel that this scene went better on Wednesday because I engaged more with what both Marlon (as John) was saying and with what I was saying. This was evident before John's monologue, where John says that he hasn't heard her call him dad since (presumably) he had told her that Carol had died. This would have a huge effect on Anna and I think I showed this more on Wednesday as I began to tear up at this point. I also felt as though I had an internal monologue in this scene, more so on Wednesday than on Friday. During this part of the scene, I was thinking something along the lines of why would you bring this up again?. Additionally, later in the scene when John says that he is proud of Anna my internal monologue was questioning why John was proud of me. This allowed for much purer emotions - something which Stanislavski wanted from his performers - and even allowed myself and Marlon to begin to cry slightly at the same time after his monologue. I felt as though I was much more emotionally invested in Anna on Wednesday than I was on Friday which impacts on how well I thought my performance went.


Scene 5

I felt that my performance of this scene was again much better on Wednesday. This was because I was much more enthusiastic with my lines due to a higher energy level which therefore meant that Bruce (Jamie) and I had a much better relationship - I think it was easier to see the 'crush' that Anna and Jamie have on each other on Wednesday. Additionally, during the monologue in this scene, we maintained eye contact for longer periods of time which showed that Anna was comfortable expressing her life story to Jamie, to some extent at least. I certainly felt more comfortable as Anna on Wednesday - on Friday, I felt as though I was forcing her character more than I had done before which again I think was due to lower energy levels.

The transition from Scene 4 to Scene 5 went much better on Wednesday in my opinion. Before the performance, Chipp suggested that as I could not get changed into the dungarees quicker than I had been doing, we should introduce something more to the transition. We added some walking to the transition from Joel (as Tim), Bruce (as Jamie), and Kathryn (as the Nurse). This meant that the transition went on for longer and distracted the audience from the changing of my costume. On Wednesday, getting into costume went much smoother than it did on Friday - on Friday, I began to put the dungarees on the wrong way which extended the transition and may have allowed some panic to show on my face. On both days, the commune chair that we use in the scene wasn't placed correctly, possibly because I sit in the place where the chair needs to go in order for the hospital gown to be taken off. On Friday, Bella (who was dressing me) moved the commune chair to the correct place during the transition which made the transition look a little messier. On Wednesday, I moved the commune chair myself in the scene. This may have suggested that Anna was only moving the chair so that she had an excuse to look to see what Jamie was doing in setting up the camera.

As the scene at first appears to be one in which Anna is in a porn film, I played to this interpretation by taking Anna's cardigan off slowly and showing part of my shoulder to the camera at the front of the stage that Bruce had set up at the start of the scene. I did this on both Wednesday and Friday in order to keep this interpretation fresh in the audience's minds.

Bruce (as Jamie) brings on two mugs 'filled' with coffee in the middle of the scene. On the Wednesday performance, these mugs were not filled with water which meant that my throat kept getting dry - at one point I remember that my nose kept getting blocked which dropped my ability to speak. On Friday, however, the mugs had water in them which meant that during the monologue especially, I could keep taking sips of water from my mug. Not only did this enable me to speak clearly but it also made the scene look much more natural as I was actually having a drink rather than pretending.

In this scene, Leah who plays Child, throws a bottle over the audience - we had only practised this a few times in rehearsal and in those attempts, Leah had managed to throw the bottle over the audience seating successfully. However, for whatever reason, on Wednesday Leah threw the bottle into the audience accidentally which distracted me from the scene at hand. I looked into the audience for an extended period of time and felt as though I broke character for some of that time. This impacted me emotionally in the scene as for the rest of the scene my internal monologue consisted largely in berating myself for breaking character which somewhat distracted me from the large monologue. This didn't happen on Friday, but due to my subdued energy levels, I feel as though I still performed this scene much better on Wednesday.

Scene 6

Again, I felt that this scene went better on Wednesday. Despite not being in time in the scene in some places, I felt that the emotion that I was showing was much more real than I was showing on Friday - again, this may have something to do with lower energy levels. I felt that on Friday the shouting at the end of the scene wasn't as powerful as it had been on Wednesday as Bruce didn't touch my shoulder at "I don't". On Wednesday, he did go through with my suggestion which allowed me to move away from him and become more angry with Jamie as a result. Although in both performances, Bruce touched me on the shoulder during his monologue at the end of the scene which allowed me to shy away from his touch - additionally, in both, I had to remind myself to become invested in what Jamie was saying (he describes what Anna wants - stability). There were criticisms to both performances of this scene. On Wednesday, Chipp pointed out that I needed to learn how to hold a cigarette properly which I think I had achieved by Friday. Also on Wednesday, there were no fresh cigarettes in the packet which I could 'relight' at the end of this scene which meant I had to 'relight' an already partially used cigarette, however, I don't think that this was as noticeable to the audience. On Friday, the chair was in the wrong place for the scene - it was too far back which pushed the entire scene further back than it was meant to be which messed up some of the proxemics and movement such as Bruce's touch on my shoulder at "I don't". 

Scene 7

Personally, I think that this scene went much better on Friday rather than on Wednesday. I felt as if I was much more invested in Anna's character, certainly towards the end of the scene. At the end of the scene when Anna is explaining to Anna that she "felt scared" for a second, I allowed for some tears to form in my eyes. These weren't there on Wednesday, but on Friday, I think I encompassed how Anna feels both happy that she can feel her mother, but also sadness that she can no longer access Carol. In both performances, I flicked water at Bruce which was something that was directed by Miss Starbuck during a lesson where I was away - this would show that Anna is comfortable with Jamie. Overall, both performances seemed the same as all times we had done so in rehearsal.

Scene 8 

Despite having no lines in this scene, I felt as though there were major differences to my performance of this scene which was better on Wednesday. The wedding dress was easier to get on on Wednesday compared with Friday and thus was easier to sit down and put on makeup. In both performances, I made sure that the makeup was on properly which may have seemed over the top in some instances however, I didn't want my foundation to be uneven for the remaining 7 scenes. On Friday, part way through doing my makeup sat on the ground, I realised I was sitting on the wedding dress in such a way that I wouldn't be able to securely get up off the floor without tripping/stumbling over the dress slightly. This made for an awkward couple of moments where I found I couldn't actually get up off the floor which may have shown on my face - I did manage to get up eventually and it luckily wasn't much of a problem that disturbed other scenes. Luckily, Carol's scene was quite loud which distracted the audience from much of my distress. On Wednesday, I didn't sit on the dress which made me feel better in the scene, although, the lights did change quite soon after Marlon (as John) had joined my scene which meant that we didn't get to dance as much as I'd have liked to - on Friday we were able to dance for longer, however, with the dress situation I still feel that Wednesday's performance of this scene was much better.


Scene 9

In my opinion, I think that this scene for me went only slightly better on Friday. In the small rehearsals leading up the show - e.g. line runs and some runs of scenes two hours before the performance - we decided that we were going to change the angle of the table to match how it was presented on Carol's side of the stage. Not only does this show continuation through the generations, it also allows for easier transitions, better sight lines for the audience, and furthermore, a bigger area of space to act within the scene. In both performances, I think I acted similarly, however, in Wednesday's performance, there were no napkins backstage (something that we hadn't checked before the performance), something which was rectified on Wednesday. Moreover, in Friday's performance, I put my hand on Bruce's hand at one point - this allowed for a nice moment showing Anna and Jamie's relationship and that it was normal - I did this completely randomly and luckily Bruce took the initiative to reciprocate by putting his hand on top of mine. It was this moment that I think has determined my opinion on which scene was slightly better.

Scene 10

I think that this scene went better on Wednesday. This is because my breathing was much more managed throughout the scene and sometimes matched with Bonnie's scene where Bonnie and Jo were having an argument. Despite the well-timed breathing, I did miss out the line "You must be sucking all the oxygen out of the room you're breathing so fucking hard" which I did remember on Friday. On Wednesday I physically moved Bruce's hands to where Anna wanted them on her back which shows their relationship better than allowing Jamie to put his hands where he wants them. On Friday, I don't think I did this - moreover, Bruce didn't put his hands on my thighs in time for my line of "Jamie" which meant that there was a small (but noticeable) silence which I had to quickly fill with my line despite Bruce's hands not being on my thighs. He managed to get the timing right on Wednesday. On Wednesday, I think that I timed the scream at the end of this scene better than on Friday as there appeared to be a silence between the last line of the scene on Friday which wasn't there on Wednesday.

Scene 11

I think that both performances of this scene were good in different ways. I think that the technicalities of Wednesday's performance were much more in time, especially in the simultaneous lines with Carol's scene towards the middle of the scene. This wasn't as prevalent on Friday where we missed out lines and were incorrect in our timings some of the time. However, the timings of the lines were better at the end of the scene on Friday with my lines matching up perfectly with Bonnie's scene which didn't happen on Wednesday as Bonnie and Ester went too fast for my own lines. In both performances, I think I managed to pinpoint exactly where Anna was on the distressed scale. On Wednesday I got so far into the role that I didn't think I said the sequence of "finger and thumb" lines - however, many people in the cast said that I had said them - I may have to consult the recording of the performance that was made.

Scene 12

I think that both performances were similar acting wise but this scene was better on Friday as the technicalities of the lines were much more accurate because we had spent the hours before the play going over this scene amongst others. On Wednesday, we were out of time for the majority of the scene because Bonnie's scene was going far too fast, however, we managed to pull it together as I missed a couple of my lines so that I matched up with Carol's scene.

Scene 13

This scene was the same in both performances. The shocks were timed correctly if slightly better on Friday as Maya then knew when I was going show the convulsions. I also missed out the line "Right down underneath where its cold" which happened in both performances but didn't impact on Carol's or Bonnie's scene too much.

Scene 14

I felt that this scene went better on Friday because I managed to time my breathing with Alex's own breathing and made myself seem more affected than what I had been on Wednesday. Although in both performances I did rock back and forth slightly, however, I'm still somewhat annoyed that I didn't manage to cry in either performance which would be an improvement to make if we were to ever do the play again.

Scene 15

This scene went much better on Friday for a number of reasons. I rocked much more obvious on Friday even when I was not holding the baby which showed clearly that Anna was not mentally okay. On Wednesday, a chair was left in the middle of the stage when I was backing away from the baby with a knife in hand which meant that I stumbled over the chair slightly - this was a bit concerning because I was holding the knife and didn't know that the chair was there. Chipp commented that on Thursday before Cast B's performance that I could not have any faith in Bella to remove the chair which could result in me looking around to see if the chair was removed and ruining the scene - this didn't happen as I did trust Bella to remove the chair but this is a valid point from Chipp hence why I made it my personal mission to remove the chair for Bella in Cast B. Another issue on Wednesday that didn't appear to me until the end of the play was that the knife that is placed in the Moses Basket went missing for a time backstage which could have caused a serious issue - at this point we hadn't had the back up option of having the razor blade in the Moses Basket - from then on, myself and Bella made sure that the razor blade was in the Moses Basket before the performance and that after Scene 2 when Carol uses the knife that the knife is put in the Moses Basket. We also had a conversation about this safety blanket with the rest of the cast so that they didn't remove the knife or razor blade from the basket.

Overall

In my opinion, I think that I portrayed Anna better on Wednesday than I did on Friday throughout the whole play due to higher energy levels and a higher level of enthusiasm. The earlier scenes were better on Wednesday than on Friday and the later scenes were better on Friday than they were on Wednesday. I think I did Anna justice in both performances and am surprised that I haven't lost my voice due to the sheer amount of lines Anna had in the play as shown by her various monologues throughout the piece. I'm certainly going to miss playing her.